Lights Out

Since the government has decided to control everything, I would like to request a mandate that our homes be equipped with a full length mirror mounted at every exit so that people can actually see what they look like when they leave the house. What caused the thinking that says, “I have this massive roll of fat around my middle, so I believe I will pour it into a spandex tube that emphasizes the depth of each layer”? And why do men think that when their stomachs are covered with hair it is acceptable to allow us all a glimpse of the furry protrusion under their too small t-shirt? Why do engineers think that because they can build bridges they don’t need to iron their clothes, and cyclists believe that their lycra, fully definitive shorts, are a good alternative to actual pants? There are writers, no we’re not exempt, who clearly believe that because they are busy creating, the need for bathing and matching socks doesn’t exist and don’t get me started on accountants, the inventors of “saggy butt britches for the professional”. The general rule of thumb should be that unsightly gets covered, inappropriate finds its proper place, the right size is what fits your body-not what you want to fit your body, and getting dressed is an activity best done with the lights on.